“You know how I love a good scientifically unproven bandwagon,” said my friend when I met her backstage after her theatre performance. “Well, this one is opening my heart to life.”
The last time I saw my friend she raved about a hypnotisation app that also promised to invite love into her life. Naturally, after getting caught up in the excited frenzy of such a glowing recommendation I also downloaded the app only to deem it a failure when all it succeeded on doing was putting me to sleep.
However, I was still very eager to hear about her latest jump of faith - partly because it always went somewhere interesting and partly because it always made us laugh.
“It was obviously a sign,” she started jokingly as she told me how she was driving past the hippy shop in the centre of town. “I had just got a parking ticket and was feeling very raw so, I walked into the shop which I knew was there and always drive past and explained how I wanted to open my heart more.”
She then reached into her bra and fished out a pink rock. It had jagged edges and was about the length of your pinkie finger. She explained that it was rose quartz and when placed near the heart it opens the chakras and allows you to attract love and light.
We looked at the rock, we looked at each other and we started laughing.
“Does it hurt?” I asked. “Nope, my boob just kinds of wraps itself around it,” she said. I asked if it worked. She said, it’s nice to know it’s there when I'm feeling raw or vulnerable. I made a mental note, I would go out and buy a rock. I also made a second mental note that given my track record in the love department I better get ready for the insides of my bra to look like a quarry.
When I relayed this rock conversation to my friends they were not surprised, in fact they had been on the bandwagon for years. One said, the trick is you must get off the bandwagon when it starts to feel like a cult. Which is good life advice regardless but, I started to wonder, why were these rational women engaging in something that was completely irrational?
One friend, a business analyst, said she kept the rock on her desk but admitted it didn’t seem to be working because either a) she didn’t carry it around with her b) it was a gift rather than her choice c) the rock may have come from a retail chain store and was probably fake or, d) all of the above. Another friend, who works in media, offered to lend me her failed rock but, when I told her I needed to put the rock in my bra she told me I’d need to go up a few bra sizes first as it was more of a door stopper than a bra rock.
My first attempt to buy the rock was a failure. Unfortunately the store, much like my heart chakras, was closed. I would have to wait another day.
I asked my neuroscientist friend her thoughts on the whole rock situation. She told me there is no evidence quartz emits anything or has any biophysical properties. “Why do people believe in it then,” I ask. She says, for lack of a better word, desperation. Desperation can make a person override their rational. She tells me it’s a psychological thing called dysrationalia.
Dysrationalia is the inability to think and behave rationally despite adequate intelligence. It’s thought to be a thinking disorder rather than a learning one because it has no direct impact upon academic performance. It makes rational people fall for stuff. This bra rock could be the Ponzi scheme of love.
Less than 24 hours after telling me about the bra rock my friend messaged me with a warning. “Beware its power! I cried today and I’m almost certain it’s my open heart chakra and not the fact I’m tired, exhausted, emotionally drained, suffering post show blues with raging hormones,” she said. I checked to see if she was alright and before long we were joking about the rock again. I told her how the rock didn’t work for my friends but, quickly added the disclaimed that they hadn’t put the rock in their bra. “Oh mate, AMATEUR HOUR” was her reply.
The next day, I finished work, and went to buy the rock. Funnily the shop that sells the rock is situated right next to a sex shop. I laughed to myself when I realised one shop sells a product that promises love from another, whilst the other shop sells a product that could deliver a bit of self-love if you know what I mean.
I was supposed to select the rock that spoke to me but, to be honest I just looked for the rock less likely to inflict pain to my boob. I paid the man at the register the $6 and waited till I got home to summon my Prince Charming.
The man had placed a little card in the paper bag with the rock. I read the writing on the card and it turns out, it’s a “love stone”. However, I think the geology jury is out on that one. The card told me the rock would soothe and heal the heart, bringing love. I scooped the rock out of the bag ready to open my heart chakras to the world. “Oh shit! Do I put the rock in my left bra cup or right bra cup?' I heard myself ask.
I messaged my brother, a fourth-year medical student, asking him where my heart was like I was Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. He said for most people it’s to the left of the midline but, if I had dextrocardia then it would be on the right. Assuming I was average, I put it in my left bra cup. I asked for his medical opinion about the rock and he replied, “my assumption is I don’t think it sounds promising” before referring me to his friend who was doing a cardiology rotation.
The rock was in my bra for less than an hour when I saw a message requesting a coffee date. The rock is almighty and powerful, I shouted to no one. Until I realised the request was sent 12 hours BR (before rock). Damn it, I could have saved myself $6 and a rock shaped indentation on my left breast.
So, does putting a rock in your bra mean that you probably have rocks in your head? What makes a rational person act irrationally? What makes them ignore the science? What makes them believe?
I don't think it's love or even the promise of love that makes someone put a rock in their bra. Instead, I think there is only one thing that can make anyone believe in something regardless of valid proof or evidence.
I messaged my friend a link to this blog just to get her okay before I sent it out.
"I haven't read it yet but, I don't need to OKAY'D... she says with her open as fuck heart chakra," she replied.